Connectergy

Spring has sprung and the flowers are blooming. If you happen to be in Brussels - make sure you include a visit to the Grand Place and see their annual carpet of flowers display.

For just three days and four nights only, an enchanted crowd will come to admire this exceptional and ephemeral creation.

All the more so, as it can be photographed and filmed from the balcony of the Town Hall, every day, from 9:00 AM to 11:00 PM. And that is not all!

Find more information on their web site at Grand Place, Brussels

I have long been an advocate of “support groups” and have participated in some kind of group since I was in college. My first experience of this kind was the “Sunday Evening Group”, which featured ever new and creative forms of interaction between its dozen or so members.

Support groups used to be something of a “fringe” element in our society. Now they’re mainstream, having entered corporate America, health care, education and the special interest sector. They’re not new as far as a social trend, either. As far back as the mid 1600’s, the early “salons” (in Paris) offered a form of support group to artists and writers. They were extraordinary gatherings where people of like mind could safely exchange ideas, receive and give criticism, see and read their own pieces and experience the works and ideas of others. There are support groups for executives, like Vistage (formerly the TEC, The Executive Committee) and YPO, (Young President’s Organization); support groups for patients in recovery from most major illnesses — and groups for their families. There are support groups for parents, entrepreneurs and like minded professionals of all kinds. . . “mens’” and “womens’ groups”, church groups, biking groups, hiking in nature groups . . . groups that form to strengthen the work done by their members in workshops and seminars. There are even public junior high and elementary schools now offering a form of support group interaction called Council which is a kind of support group for kids who need a neutral place to voice their real feelings.http://www.ojaifoundation.org/Content/council_schools.phpSupport groups for cancer patients are clinically and statistically proven to extend the lives of patients to the point that Deepak Chopra (whose reputation began as an Endocrinologist) has written in his books and suggested to audiences and that if a doctor did not prescribe a support group in the same way he is compelled to prescribe a lifesaving medication, the MD could be sued for malpractice. In fact, support groups began to be medically prescribed as a component of Dean Ornish’s Program for Reversing Heart Disease back in the 1980’s. This non-surgical highly successful program is now widely accepted in hospitals across the country and by medicare. Weight Watchers, a support group, whose legendary mainstream success has been building for forty years, was launched in a living room in Queens, New York for the friends of its founder. Now over a million people attend weekly meetings. Support groups for recovering from addictive or co-dependent behaviors anonymous have been sustaining themselves for decades after the first AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) was started by Bill Wilson in 1935.Nowadays, depending on where you live, you almost have a choice to participate in a group for any theme or reason you might want. By going to the website: www.meetup.com, you can join or form your own special interest or support group. What constitutes an effective and compelling support group will be the subject of my next post. Here’s the point I want to leave you with in this segment: Support groups are an asset to us all, and through them we can help society evolve. It’s obvious to many individuals and institutions today that almost any person is “at risk” without ongoing, caring, open and honest relationships where there is trust, respect and honesty. I’ll further assert that in order for any person to fully and freely develop, he or she must feel understood and respected by another person or group of people. Does this mean that if a person is not either in some kind of meaningful and nurturing relationship or support group today (though the group doesn’t have to be labeled as such), the individual may be “at risk”? The word “may” is meant to raise a possibility here - not assign a judgment. It’s a complex, personal question that has no black and white answer. More importantly, the question is meant to identify a need or the possible advantage to being in a support group - which takes time, commitment and a measure of courage.The men’s group I’m currently involved in is small - there are only four of us. But it’s powerful. Once a month we sit around a small fire pit in one member’s back yard and free-form talk from 7 to 9 at night. 95% of our conversation is about our personal feelings about our lives, histories, families and careers. The core of the conversation is our search for what is most authentic in ourselves and our relationships. The more vulnerable we can be with each other, the more engaging the conversation. As a force of nature (of course), the fire draws us together and in some primordial way absorbs (or transmutes) our fears and doubts. Campfires, sweat lodges, sitting-in-circle rituals and similar group functions have been a tradition of initiation, healing, transition and transformation for millennia. We use the fire and each other to facilitate our expansion and self-acceptance.Related to this, last week I watched the best-selling author of Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert, on Oprah. Regardless of your opinion of the book, it’s sold millions and has a huge international following among men as well as women. The entire show was a stream of people — all over the country — sharing with Elizabeth and Oprah’s audience, how the book changed their lives. We heard story after story of how these people were moved by Elizabeth’s struggle to overcome her own misery-producing thinking habits and find authenticity and harmony. It was a show about the process of gaining acceptance, forgiveness and internal freedom.This is the substance of most support groups — to help us connect and reconnect with our hearts, the most fundamental of all human institutions. I’m not saying that Oprah’s show is a support group. I’m making a connection: It has some of the qualities of a support group: a place where people feel safe enough to reveal themselves and be heard (even on national television) . . . a place where people can learn, share, integrate, be inspired and take steps to be more responsible for their own lives.This is the need that’s out there and shared by many. In most of my experience, conversations about support are usually in low-key, whispered tones between individuals. I’m suggesting we celebrate our support group traditions, make support a collective conversation and find ways to advance the practice to an everyday practical art form.More to come.

Sometimes I think my behavioral guidance system is wired up as a mystery or a puzzle. Like the movie GroundHog Day, every 24 hours I attempt to resolve my own idiosyncratic “craziness”. Sure, I see the outward patterns clearly, but whatever deep inside me is launching those patterns (as I don’t experience consciously choosing them) has been obscured from direct viewing ever since I can remember.

 

 

When it comes to changing my habitual thinking, both my own tradition and “the “literature” get abstract and philosophical too quickly. Do I need more philosophy? No. What I need is a simple, practical, written-just-for-me instruction manual that shows me step-by-step how to reprogram my own auto-pilot . . . (Yes, of course there are hundreds of books and courses that aim to do that but I haven’t found one written just for me yet — hah hah!)

 

From Freud’s ego & id, to Maslow’s heirarchy of needs, to Eckhart Tolle’s “pain body”, it’s common knowledge that the ever-expanding fields of psychology, coaching, professional development and management, have been evolving the concept of mental programs to help people like me understand and improve our internal guidance systems. Whatever words I use, I’ve come to understand that a “program” is a core thinking process which, consciously or unconsciously, a person uses to function — that is, to survive (get by) or thrive (succeed). I have yet to actually see such a program, but I sure experience their effects.

 

I’m talking about thought processes that forms the platform for conscious attitudes, beliefs, habits and motivations. Though they’re quite under the surface you can almost see such programs in the faces of Olympic athletes. The idea that mental programs determine our outlook and behavior isn’t new, but our collective willingness to talk about these programs is still only emerging.

 

Several factors make these programs difficult to discuss except in broad generalization: 1) We may not be consciously aware of our programs even though we experience their influence over us. 2) Given these programs are invisible, intangible, and coded “differently” in our unique mind-body systems, they are difficult to articulate. 3) The programs are often painful, irrational and don’t make sense, which further increases one’s own or other’s potential judgment, embarrassment and shame.

 

The result is that people (and I’m certainly an example) can live in a state of denial or ignorance about their programs — condemned in effect, to live by them until they expose them to the light of day and then reprogram themselves. This is sometimes what therapists and coaches can help their clients do.

 

After working with core programs for twenty plus years as a change agent and consultant, I’ve come to identify two categories of programs: conscious and unconscious. The first type constitutes what we can call our beliefs — the ideas that we “take-on” through decisions that we can talk about. We can describe our beliefs, associate them to specific events, memories or people, understand and explain them to each other. They are the subject of countless books, articles and seminars.

 

Unconscious programs, in contrast to beliefs, however, are not coded in our minds in words or sentences or concepts. They’re coded as sensations, emotions and strange formations in our unconscious memory. They’re often negative, aren’t rational, and don’t make sense, so they’re difficult to identify — let alone talk about. They’re buried like that crate containing the ark of the covenant which gets hidden in the giant warehouse at the end of the first Indiana Jones movie.

 

 

My experience is that generally speaking most people don’t like to talk about their unconscious programs unless those programs make them feel good and produce success. Over the last thirty years, however, with the vocabulary of popular psychology, the human potential movement, divrese forms of therapy and self-development, mind-brain technology, retreats, yoga, meditation, etc., there’s a greater willingness within the mainstream for people to openly reveal their inner workings regarding their beliefs and programs.

 

I see these programs as a kind of successfully-camouflaged addiction. As in any problem-solving process, the first (and essential) step of clearing such a pattern, is acknowledging that there is a problem, and then correctly identifying it’s real cause. Of course, there’s nothing easy about doing that when you’ve spent a lifetime of covering-up one or two. Needless to say, such limiting or self-defeating programs can be seen operating below the surface in every kind of organization, too. I can observe them popping up and into play in meetings.

 

One way to facilitate transformation — for individuals or teams — is by making the invisible visible — any way you can. Doing a “white board process” is a tool/process I am developing that anyone can do. Here’s an example.

 

 

 

These days I’m willing to own and talk about my own and others’ unconscious though I wonder how much anyone’s actually interested. What I know does interest people is the experience of liberation, empowerment, and creative energy that gets triggered with real clarity. This is what’s possible when we get to the root of our self-misunderstanding — i.e. our programs.

 

 

If you’re working on yourself in this way — I acknowledge you. It’s not easy and you’re not alone. If I can offer a tool or distinction that helps you in some way, that would be rewarding, and this is what my own life process has been about. I will be sharing more.

For some, meditation on wholeness could be a 24/7/60/60 proposition. For others, wholeness isn’t even a concept on their day-to-day screen of attention.

From one perspective, this picture and the words written across it, might produce a response of: “Huh?” or “So what?” What does it mean — that we have words for all of this?. . . That we can articulate and intellectually understand some moments of our experience when we don’t apply our understanding each day?

I know that I’m still working on it.

The general practice of letting go — usually of something (intangible or tangible/ visible or invisible) is vastly underrated. I’ve offered this little observation countless times and I’ve always gotten a smile from people. Perhaps it’s especially underrated when it comes to talking about it. But here’s what’s interesting: “Letting go” says one thing to people; “elimination” says quite another.

 

 

Why write about it?

 

Simple:

It’s a little different.

It could be considered essential and unusual.

It’s relevant, though maybe not comfortable to people.

It’s bound to push a (useful) button and might just get people talking.

It’s totally related (connected) to energy, flow and unblocking obstacles.

 

How many times have you wanted to “boil something down” to the bare essentials — especially to articulate something in a way that can move it forward faster? As simple as that sounds, it can be a challenge. Why? We don’t like getting rid of things we have any attachment to or which might be of value. So we hang onto the clutter, the excess, the unessential.

 

Reducing, condensing or making something simpler or more efficient requires an act that’s essential to business: elimination. Whether you think of elimination as a skill, a system, a nuisance or a pleasure, in order to be effective, eliminating what we don’t want is a process we must all engage in. Yet we frequently resist it.

 

 

That’s because elimination/letting go has been tainted by our cultural conditioning. Treated as off-color, dirty or somehow not appropriate for general conversation, the subject of elimination doesn’t get near the attention that other life processes - like conception, production, creation or locomotion receive. But, elimination could get much better attention, because in real world terms, the failure to eliminate regularly and thoroughly is the cause of illness and dysfunction, not to mention a lot of discomfort - in personal, social, business or societal terms.

 

Whether we’re talking about our bodies, our habits, or our creativity, our closets, paper files, computers, relationships, warehouses, tool sheds, refrigerators or sewer systems — the more we clean out what isn’t necessary, the easier our movement, the healthier and more functional we are, the better we feel. The world knows all too well that pollution is elimination that went the wrong way.For another perspective about how essential elimination is to our health, let’s look at the process of breathing. That process — respiration — is one-third intake of air, one-third absorption and one-third exhalation or elimination — of the waste product carbon dioxide. We literally cannot live without eliminating the carbon dioxide that builds up from the processing of oxygen in every breath. Add to this of course, are all the other toxins, fluids, etc. we need to get rid of on a daily basis. It’s amazing!

 

The faster we eliminate what we don’t need, the better off we are in almost every area of our lives. So given that effective elimination is in everyone’s best interest, how much more could we celebrate it, teach it or build it into our infrastructure? Could we make elimination a more common element in our everyday thinking and daily conversation? When we’re laughing, we’re letting something go.

Decisions move things forward and when we’re not clear about what to eliminate, movement is impeded. This is what makes effective decision making is a challenge - especially for companies. Given it’s relatively easy to see someone else’s block or obstacle, the operative question for ourselves becomes “What is it that I need to let go of — right now?”

 

Isn’t eliminating what’s non-essential (like distraction) exactly what focusing requires? If only we could remember that the potential for higher productivity grows in leaps and bounds when we cut things out - or eliminate - in order to focus. Can we have some fun with elimination or at least look at it differently? What an interesting form of play that would be!

 

Breathe deep, lighten up and tell the truth.

Tools for Connection

 

Do words by themselves contain awareness? I don’t think so.

I observe that words can trigger or connect people to awareness, but they don’t always or automatically move people as intended. We can read or hear something fifty times, then the fifty-first time, it can take on a whole new meaning. That’s when we somehow make a different connection with it and give it more meaning or power.

 

Expanding on that idea:

Life is fundamentally about our connections:
with ourselves, our bodies, hearts and minds,
our families, friends, partners, teams and businesses,
neighbors, communities, and other societies,
with nature, spirit, the earth, energy . . . with life.

Connection is the common thread of our dreams and passions,
frustrations and anxieties, strengths and weaknesses.
It is an endless source for literature, art, entertainment, education.

Teachings and practices that foster connection from the inside out — like yoga and meditation, have been challenging seekers of mastery for many centuries. Golf has been challenging its players for over five hundred years. Could physical, non-physical and metaphysical connection itself be the currency of our being?

Whether it’s by chance, preparation, prayer, or all three, moments of connection are the treasures, the trim tabs that people seek in almost everything they do. Connecting with a person, feeling or idea we find valuable (like an inspiring TED talk (TED.com), can inform, empower, inspire us — and expand our choices. While this might seem as obvious as 1-2-3, it leads to the following critical question (if one choses to ask with the full intention of listening to an honest answer):

 

What blocks or gets in the way of such connection — unconsciously as well as consciously?

 

Libraries full of books, articles, courses and seminar materials attempt to answer this question. But the practice of effectively removing the blocks to connection, clarity, creativity, love and aliveness is still emerging in our world. Connectergy will promote personal and group practices for removing the blocks to connection.

 

If you’ve got a connection story that you think might make a difference, please share it.

Greetings!  Thanks for dropping in. I want to start with purpose.

My intention here — (not in any necessary order) is to . . .

 

1) Create, play, explore, discover, and connect with people

2) Exchange reference points for clarity

3) Offer support to others by making invisible processes (more) visible

4) Share a vision for transformational business that is and has been a mission for me

5) Offer a trim tab to greater creativity, productivity and aliveness . . .

 

What’s a trim tab?

A small mechanism that creates a big change –

 

In airplane and boat design, for example, a trim tab is small, trailing edge of a rudder, which, with very little effort, turns the rudder, thereby altering the course of the boat or plane.

 

 

The trim tab kicks into gear . . .

 

So I am writing this blog as as a demonstration, and offer of support — for generating the power of connection – with our own dimensions and with whomever we want to be connected — as a 24/7/60/60 choice, possibility and flow.

 

That’s why I’m calling it Connectergy.

 

I am a professional manager, facilitator, graphic designer and photographer. All the visuals, photographs and artwork you see on this site are mine.

To make meetings magic, build distinctive and effective presentations, and put beauty on peoples’ walls, I’m always seeking to make the invisible visible. I’m an idea person who can implement on tight (or large) budgets. My passion for operating outside the box enables me to integrate fresh and boundless ideas. In the territory of intentional change, clarity rules, paradigms are real; and actualizing possibility is always the horizon.

One of my “life missions” is to establish a national chain of “3rd place” centers for support, creativity and actualization. I am looking for people to collaborate and synergize with.

Here we go!

Got comments?